i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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