i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
