I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
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Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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