first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize