Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize