2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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