i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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