Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
