he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
