Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
