I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
