then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
