two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
