dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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