Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
