So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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