I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
