Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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