your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
