The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
