am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
