hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
