How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
