Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
