I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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