Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
