It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
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how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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