Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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