My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
