I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
