..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
