you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
