is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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