Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
