Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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