My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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