I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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