i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
