It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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