I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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