No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
