I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
this hospital has no fireball
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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