hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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