Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
