Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
