Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
