so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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