# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
