ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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