The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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