Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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