That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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