I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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