I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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