he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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