yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
