Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
