Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
